Why the only way for me to live was to conquer myself.
I will tell you a little story about myself.
Don't worry, I will attempt to make it as short and sweet as I possibly can.
I used to be really self-conscious about everything. I was worried about what other people thought of me during social situations, my appearance, my height, my speech (I often find it difficult to articulate myself) and a myriad of other self-doubts plagued my mind. It wasn't until I realized one day I was never going to get anywhere if I remained in that state of mind. I recognized it was me who was the problem. I blamed my Asperger's and my ADHD for so long but really, it was me.
I needed to face myself, which was my biggest fear. Nobody enjoys looking within and seeing all of their flaws hanging right in front of them. But, it had to be done. It was the only way I would ever be able to experience my true potential as a human being.
What did I do?
I immediately felt the urge to sit down on the floor, put myself in the half lotus position, closed my eyes and began drawing a few deep breaths. I focused on my breathing until I was no longer paying attention to it. I was now in a deep state of meditation, my mind was focused within.
What I saw inside shook me to the core. I recognized many things about myself I had previously buried deep down inside. I hoped they would disappear. Those hidden aspects of myself made me feel extremely uncomfortable, frightened and ashamed. I imagine the Buddha would have experienced a similar feeling while sat under the Bodhi tree. I felt as if my own mind was challenging me, it was testing my willpower.
Would I leave and wussy out? or would I stay and see the entire process through its end? What do you think I did? I stayed of course. I stuck with it.
What did looking inside teach me?
Conquering myself brought me to the realization I needed to accept myself and embrace my imperfections. It was challenging, uncomfortable, even scary at times but it was worth it. As, I feel I am now a much happier and confident person. And, the truth is; Sometimes we have to go through a dark period in our lives so we can eventually see the light.
Remember, even though it might feel like it, you're never truly alone in this world. The truth is, there is always somebody out there dealing with a similar issue. There is also always somebody out there who has been through the darkness but overcame it and is now bathing in light.
"Limiting beliefs are only limited if we make them limited" - Myself
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